What if this is the fantasy…

and in my real life, I’m everything I want to be.


Sort of turned my mind sideways on the drive in to work yesterday morning. The idea that all this hustle and what not to do more, get more, BE more, isn’t reality. Instead, we’re living the dream, it’s our real lives that we’re truly longing for. Why else is there that nagging voice in our heads, that dissatisfaction in our hearts, that silent screaming we do when we do things we “have” to as opposed to what we joyfully want to do. Obligatory – now there’s a word that rarely, if ever, puts a smile on my face. Voluntarily.  Willingly.  Those feel better, eh?  I actually enjoy doing my laundry, cleaning up around my place (to an extent, lol), working out, drinking water instead of all that fruity, sugary, stuff; eating healthier (dude, some weekends just call for a burger and fries, or hot wings and fries, or….well fries) but man, when it was “mom’s house and mom’s rules – and don’t you sass me, missy, do what I tell you to do!! Because I said so, that’s why!”, I was less than enthused.  I am that way with everything – tell me to do it without helping me to understand why and I’m going to procrastinate like a mutha!  Help me understand why and give me the freedom to own a piece of the result? And I’m a “work till it’s done” drone. If I own the ‘why’ completely? The magic happens and the thing becomes reality.

What I’m trying to say here is this isn’t my real life. There are bits and pieces of my real life that show up – this blog, the books I’ve published, the way I raised my daughter, the way I love….it’s the rest of this fantasy life that produces so much resistance. My spirit is tired of the dream and wants to be fully awake.


In my real life…

There are monthly meet-ups that I lead to introduce myself and my idea to audiences. I attract women mostly,  but I do get a few brave men to venture in now and again.  My audience ranges in age from mid-thirties to early fifties.  In the general meet-ups I gather intel, then offer accountability sessions at my regular fee. I typically have 100 clients a year who sign up for one or two sessions, three to five a month who go for a full year (these tend to be the ones with something big on their hearts they want to accomplish), then 50 to 60 a year who are looking for booster shots – they’re pretty much on their path, they just need five or six sessions to get them through a particularly strong bout of resistance.

I still write and publish my fiction. But my indie publishing for new writers services is doing brisk business as well. I don’t have as many clients each year with this because the writing and publishing process typically takes a full year to properly birth a book and I chose to work fairly closely with my clients so we don’t skimp on quality. Indie writers / self-publishers have to produce work that is as mistake free as possible in order to stand-up next to the “big dogs”.  Not to mention the costs involved. A lot of the work is done then has to be billed. I work with people who are timely with their payments so of course, I have to be timely with my invoicing. That means again, time taken to pay attention to detail. I’ve got a very small team for this venture. We take on no more than two full package (start to publish) clients a year, then host up to six of the small package clients each year.

All of this generates enough income for me to sponsor my scholarship program. This is my give back piece. I work with five to six students from area high schools, colleges, and universities for free – usually sophomores and juniors in high school, freshman and sophomores in college – who aren’t necessarily on the fast track to success but they’re not crashing and burning either.  Because they participated in the program, they’re then eligible for money to help get them into / keep them in college or start a business, or whatever it is they decide to do that’s legal and will earn them a living.


The alarm is about to go off.

As I typed I felt the shift. My Divinity is doing the happy dance.  She knows I’m waking up soon.

5 thoughts on “What if this is the fantasy…

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