19 of 40 – Another scene

This is more of an excerpt of a scene, but it lit me up as I was writing it…

“So how does all this work?”
“Well, okay. There’s The Source. It is the energy or whatever that created everything. In human science, Its called The Big Bang, in human religions, Its usually called God. Alright, so from that point where The Source came into being, evolution starts up not too long after. Again, modern human science calls them quarks. Those little bits of Source got together with other little bits, and so on and so on. Some form into matter, others form into what we consider to be living beings.  Time, while not being measured then, is passing and things grow, develop, change, and so on. You end up with parts of The Source developing all kinds of housings, then when those housings deteriorate, that bit of The Source is freed to find another housing. Are you with me so far?”
Victoria had a general grasp on what Warner was explaining, so she nodded her head and gestured for him to continue.
“Alright. Now, here’s where it gets a bit tricky. Used to be that when these tiny bits of Source wanted to return, they ascended whole, as they were. And that was all well and good until the larger configurations of The Source formed a version of conscious awareness. You may think of these as souls. As each soul evolved it believed itself to be a separate thing and didn’t want to be absorbed back into the whole. The Source, being self aware all along, understood this development and allowed these new souls to maintain their housings and ascend in tact. Hence the ancient, indescribable beings that dwell beyond our comprehension throughout the realm.”
“Oh. Have you ever seen one?”
“No. And from what I understand, I wouldn’t be able to process what I was looking at anyway. Maybe once I’ve ascended but who knows.”
“Uh huh. Okay, keep going. Man, this would make a great movie.”
“The special effects budget would have to be gargantuan. But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So evolution brings about bodies, the Soul’s now having evolved consciousness to the point of curiosity and craving, want to experience bodies. They developed a way to inhabit these configurations for the sake of having experiences. Next thing you know, you get the humans of today.”
“So, what you’re telling me is that none of us is really human, we’re just pieces of the Source out for a joy ride.”
“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

(giggle…now, on to tonight’s writing)

Sending love and light!


17 of 40 – Light bulb…


Or an “ah ha” moment. Or an epiphany (we’ve had plenty of each on this blog).  Either way, this morning’s Morning Pages coupled with some questions from Terri Cole’s Love Revolution series (specifically the Secondary Gain work sheet)…


helped me to identify some key behaviors I need to stop doing. Yes, there was some “why” exploration involved, but it lead very quickly to how to “pull out the arrow” so to speak. You’ll remember that from this post, 11 of 40.

Anyway, since this worked for me, I thought I’d share it here, in hopes someone else found it useful.

Might I suggest:

  1. Watch the video
  2. Click to get the worksheet (you can unsubscribe after)
  3. Put each question at the top of a blank page
  4. Free write whatever comes up as you focus on the question

Might take a couple of runs – I’ve been doing Morning Pages now since late December and some things take me a couple of days or so of Pages to get to my truth; others have taken one and half pages, lol. This was a one and half pager so I’m thinking my Divinity really wanted me to get this lesson quickly so She shouted the answers at me instead of whispering.

Oh well, all I can do is point out the water. It’s up to you to decide to take a drink or not.

Sending love and light,


15 of 40 – The Eye of the Spider

Yeah…so, my “spirit animal” twice or thrice removed made a dramatic appearance this morning in the form of a web dive to the ground just in my peripheral vision as I was coming through a doorway at work. *shudder* It has been several months since the last “blessing” so I suppose I should be somewhat grateful they aren’t attempting to communicate as often as they were a couple years ago. Why oh why couldn’t my spirit guides send money instead? lol.  Oh wait, they do that as well, just not in super large denominations.

Oh well.

Sending love and light.


14 of 40 – For your information

In order:

  1. Do Unto Others by See, Seek, Find (Dina)
  2. POV by Stephanie Huesler
  3. FGM: What Can We Do by See, Seek, Find (Dina)

I wonder if you’ll connect dots the way I did between the three posts? I wonder if you will look around you and attempt to see things, people, situations, in perspectives that are outside your own?

I wonder if you’ll actively seek to treat people you directly and indirectly come in contact with in ways that more closely resemble how you’d want to be treated? I wonder if you’ll pause to assess situations with a different set of criteria? I wonder if you’ll find this or other US based atrocities worth acting out against?

I wonder if humans are able to stop hurting each other based on their sense of lack, fear, of there not being enough to go around; killing and maiming, selling each other, torturing each other for money, the perception of power…

I wonder.

With love, light, and ACTION


11 of 40 – At a Loss

“If thine own eye offends thee, pluck it out.”  As spoken by Roddy McDowell in the classic film, The Legend of Hell House.

Anyway, the idea behind the quote today is that there are a couple of behaviors I have that block me from my goals, from my desires. I’m sure you have one or two as well. I’ve been so frustrated lately (especially since Mercury went retrograde on Sunday and I looked up the astrological meanings behind the small note pre-printed in my planner; the power of suggestion y’all…the struggle is real. ahem…) about WHY.  WHY do I behave this way? WHY do I allow myself to block my own blessings – so to speak.  WHY? WHY?! WHY??!!!

I remember the gist of an excerpt from a book I don’t remember that goes like this, “People will be shot by an arrow and will then suffer in pain wondering why they were shot. When what they really should be focused on is removing the arrow.”

I get mired in trying to find out why – why did he dump me? Why is she acting like that towards me? Why am I stuck in this job? Why, why…why do people have to die? Why am I afraid? Why is he such an @#$hole? Why do people hate so easily? Why do people kill other’s before committing suicide? It’s a maze without end.

It struck me this morning to stop with the questions and get on with the removal. I doubt that I’ll ever understand the why when it comes to other’s behavior, let alone figure out all the twists and turns in my own. Best then to focus on the removal – at least as far as I’m concerned. These behaviors offend me, this situation causes me pain, this no longer provides any benefit…there fore, I must “pluck them out.”  I must remove the arrows.

So, yeah. That’s it. That’s all I have for today’s commitment to 40 days of consistent blogging.   Sending you love and light!


10 of 40 – One Step Closer to 50

Sigh. I am on the edge of 50.  I remember as a kid imagining what I’d be like at 21, but beyond that, I don’t think I built any kind of fantasies, goals, or images of life beyond that golden age.

Yet, here I sit (much to my health’s dismay), twenty-eight years / sixty pounds / 20+% body fat, beyond 21 wondering what I’m “supposed” to be, how I’m “supposed” to look and feel.

My body has done some weird thing where it hurts now at the slightest provocation. If I sit “too long” I swell, my back and hips hurt; if I move anything heavier than a dinner plate, my neck, shoulders, arms, back, and hips will hurt within minutes. I have bruises that won’t fade – my skin looks mottled and feels dry most of the time. I wonder sometimes if I’m part lizard. I’ve already mentioned the hair loss. That seems to have reached its peak this year and I am, for all intents and purposes bald, save for that lingering, lustrous one inch line of hair along the back of my head from ear to ear (WTF?!).

this guy
Like this guy. For real. I kid you not. This is very similar to what my hair line is like as I type this.

And about those feelings? My likes and dislikes, my sense of adventure…all of that seems to have changed without my conscious consent or any effort on my part. Dancing till dawn, riding roller coasters, road trips, cruises, going for walks just because, mall crawling / shopping for clothes – all of what I used to do for fun and relaxation? Meh. I’m not moved by any of it any more.

I don’t know who I am.

The one constant is the writing though. I am so thankful that hasn’t changed. Putting words to page is still how I process, how I think. How I breathe. But, given all that I’ve mentioned above, I’m afraid my passion for the written word is changing and like those things mentioned above, I won’t notice it until it’s so different it will be rendered unrecognizable to me.

I can see why women back in the day were sometimes thought to have gone insane in their later years. This is enough to drive anyone to the brink of insanity. Oh well, at least for me it’ll be a short trip. I’ve lost myself several times through out the years. Guess I won’t complain – even though I’ve taken this trip before, I’m traveling an unfamiliar route. Might as well enjoy the scenery. Here’s hoping the return brings me back to someplace I’ll enjoy.

Love you!


9 of 40 – Let Someone Else’s Words…

move us ALL.

I write because I struggle to speak my truth. Want to know what I’m going through, how I see the world? Read my writing.

And on the flip side, words can bring understanding. Are you afraid of “them”…bet if you took a minute you’d find common ground and way less reason to fear and hate.

LISTEN TO / READ / SPEAK THE WORDS.  Seek out what’s not being said in yourself and in others.

I love you.


7 of 40 – another quick scene.

She scaled the wall in her usual spot, noting that none of her trip wires or other safety features had been crossed.  Slipping in the window was academic.  She made quick work of taking off her weapons and then her clothes on the way to the shower.  The clothes went into a trash bag from there they would end up in the incinerator in the basement.  She climbed slowly into the tiny shower, water blasting over her, so hot it was just shy of scalding.  She hung her head and let the water wash over her body.  An eternity later, she was sitting in the comfortable chair in the corner, her back to the solidity of the two outer brick walls.  She had reinforced them when she set up this safe house – nothing short of a missile could penetrate them.  This is where she slept.

She was just beginning to doze, the [gun] on the table to her right.  The sniffling at the door brought her fully awake, gun in hand.  She sat that way for a full count of ten before approaching the door.  Noting that none of the safety features in the hallway had been tripped, she relaxed and listened, the sound of the puppy’s sniffing became obvious.  “You have got to be kidding,” she muttered, opening the many locks and releasing the two spells.  The door swung open and the pitch black muzzle of the puppy pushed its way in, followed by its oversized body.  “Really?  You really followed me all the way up here?”

The puppy’s slow tail wagging and it’s presence at her door the only answer she would receive.  “How in the world did something so big get past the trip wire?  Are you a good trap sniffing dog?”  Yet another wag of the tail.  “Well, I bet you’re hungry.”  This time the tail wagging was more than enthusiastic and shook the entire body.  She let in the wobbly dog and followed it into the kitchen.

A quick rummage through the fridge produced some left overs from her favorite eateries in the neighborhood.  She pulled out all the meat and placed it on a plate for the puppy who snuffled her appreciation before taking everything in no sooner than the plate was in reach of her mouth.  The puppy gave a quick lick of the chops followed by what Victoria took to be a burp before shuffling off on a sniffing expedition of the entire apartment.  She didn’t have far to go, the apartment consisted of the tiny kitchen, small dinning area, a reasonably sized living room and the medium sized bedroom which Victoria had yet to sleep in.  There was a bed in there, but Victoria used it mostly as an office and weapons room.  Her clothes were kept neatly in a dresser she had found in the alley.

Part of book two, Demon Master. Sigh.

What’s good with you?

Love ya,


6 of 40

Another favorite part of a scene:

“Start talking.”

“Yeah, okay. What do you want to know?”

“Don’t be foolish. I want to know why you’ve been following me, who you are and is there any reason for me not to kill you?”

“Uh, well, don’t want you to kill me at all mostly because I want to live. I used to be a cop. A while back, there was this case. Some guy shows up dead but not just dead, carved up in these pretty patterns. Me and my partner get the case. We investigate and do all we can but of course, it ends up being a cold case. No one claims the body and we go on about our business. Then there’s these rash of shootings and cuttings. No one ends up dead, but it’s strange. So again, my partner and I start investigating. We can’t figure out what’s going on. We get told to move on, there’s more crime to deal with and that’s all well and good, but letting something go is not in my nature. I start reviewing old cases, spending a little over time at my desk making notes and such, doing research. I finally start to see a pattern though and I take what I find to my sergeant who tells me I’ve been working too hard and need a break. He puts me on administrative leave. Okay, I’ve got some time on my hands so I start investigating on my own. And what’d’ya know? I get lucky – I’m staking out the last crime scene when this guy shows up. He sneaks into the place. I follow him and low and behold, he fiddle farts around, sprinkles some shit on the floor and like magic, the blood stains disappear. I watch him get into a car, and catch another lucky break, the license plate is legit so I end up with an address. A few nights of following this dude around, and what’d’ya know again? I actually see dude kill this woman. Well, not kill exactly, he did something to her to make her pass out, this yellowish smoke puffs out of her and the next thing you know, she’s up and walking around as if nothing happened.

After that, dude gets harder for me tail. I can’t ever get close to him. I’d see him just out of the corner of my eye or walking around a corner then a day later, there’d be somebody showing up in the hospital with a weird cuts or gun shot wound. Your mother’s murder was my biggest break because it happened right up stairs from my mystery guy’s place. It appeared to be a closed case, we got your mom’s boyfriend for the murder, but he claimed he had no memory of it what-so-ever. No surprise there, he was so high when the cops arrested him we were surprised he was functioning at all. And we know your mom had you because all the neighbors we question kept asking where you were. I finally have a legitimate reason to question the guy, but he never comes home. He disappears, you had disappeared. Fortunately, he leaves behind an apartment full of clues. I start spending time casing the place you know. Waiting for either of you to show up. A whole year and my sergeant decides I could use more than some time off, he relieves me of duty permanently. Well now I have all the time I need to sit in front of your apartment complex waiting for one or the other of you to show up. And when you do, you’re damn near grown and my mystery man looks the same as he always did. So I start following you both. And just like before, I can’t ever keep up. You guys come and go like the wind, and all of a sudden, those strange shootings and stabbings start happening again, only this time, I know there’s two of you doing the damage.

It takes me a minute, but I found out where my mystery guy lived. I started just hanging out there and what do ya know? One night you guys both show up with some new dude. I manage to get in around the back, hide myself in the hallway, fully intending to bust in and demand some answers when I overhear you three chatting it up. Imagine my surprise when I discover you and mystery boy are some kind of supernatural ghost hunters; the other dude, who disappeared through the fuckin’ wall I might add, is your father and he just happens to be a friggin’ demon. You know, like a real devil, evil kind of demon. Next thing you know, you freak out and poof, both of you guys disappear. Another year goes by, there’s a crime scene but no body – guess where? That’s right, at mystery dude’s place. I just picked up your tracks about a week ago. Started tailing you and then you flippin’ shoot me!!”

Victoria had let him get it all out of his system. She was thinking the combination of Mei’s salve, John’s special ale, and the weirdness of the whole situation, had loosened a touch more than Stephen’s tongue. About now, Victoria could tell he was quite freaked out.

“Alright there big guy. Just chill out.”

“Chill out? Chill out?! I’d love to just chill out but instead, I’m sitting in a bar that has Superman’s cousin as a doorman, eating a cheeseburger with some supernatural assassin, and a freakin’ bullet hole in my shoulder!”

Yeah, he was definitely freaked out.

This one’s from book two – Demon Master.  That’s June’s NaNo project.  Can’t wait.

What’s good in your world today? Name your gratitude…

Love you,