The Overwhelm

One business, two passions, three ways to showcase them; two social media platforms I don’t know how to use effectively; marketing; networking; “please come to my event, it’s free” (begging); event organizing – why do small spaces cost such large amounts of money? Finding (paying for) the right words to convince people I really do know what I’m doing and what I’m offering will work if you work it. Sigh. Damn it, forgot about that page on the website needing to be updated. I must look like a fool. Oh crap, those are last year’s business cards; that website doesn’t cover everything I do. If I buy this, follow that, listen to this webinar, spend that money to boost this post…will I be any closer to my goal? Am I practicing what I preach effectively enough? I’ve got to consolidate, I’m all over the place, spinning my wheels. Nothing seems to be working but I’ve only been at this for three weeks (since 2008).  No real budget so DIY is the name of the game.

NaNoWriMo 2017 – brand new story, off to a good start, now freaking out because the scope seems bigger than originally envisioned.

Selling my truck – what if it doesn’t sell, what if it does? What if I don’t qualify for a car loan? What if my credit always sucks no matter how much I’ve done to raise it a full 100 points since this time last year?

Body feels as if its been taken over. I no longer feel at home in it. I can’t walk in my favorite shoes anymore.  How can this be when just two short years ago, I used to dance, strut, flirt, and wield my power in them at will. Pieces of me seem to never stop touching each other now and my god, the sweat!! Got on enough of the right pills to put my mind back in some semblance of order but everything below the neck didn’t get the memo. I’ve had more doctor’s appointments in the last six months than I’ve had collectively in the last six years. They seem to be interested in everything NOW that I’m fifty where as the swelling didn’t even register when I brought it up between the ages of 16 and 48.  Still not concerned about my 24 years of sleep weirdness or the lump behind my ear – since it’s just hideous and only causes my glasses to sit crooked on my face, removing it falls under elective cosmetic surgery so my insurance won’t chip in.  AT ALL.

Speaking of NaNo 2017… Word count = 8222 as of right now.  No coherent scenes to share yet. It’s all snippets of dialog, some settings. Looking forward to writing later tonight though.

Random and sanctioned violence and hatred rule the world. Have to conquer fear every morning as I head for work. Will this be the day a sniper ends my life? Guess I better step up my living just in case so post more blogs, advertise more workshops, push harder to get the business making money so…the government can push us into nuclear war and make everything all for naught.

I’m running out of hope again. Speaking of NaNo 2017…as it is with all my work so far, I’m beginning to see where my Divinity has sent me this story to remind me, to soothe my fear, to maintain a small light of hope inside.

The First Immortal – tentative release date, June 29, 2018.  If I live that long…

Sending Love and Faith


3 thoughts on “The Overwhelm

  1. You’re doing so much better at NaNo than me – my plan is to get the blogging stuff done over the next hour or two, then devote myself to getting another few thousand words written this evening. Hoping this week is a little less crazy than last week so I can stay caught up (once I get caught up, of course!).

    1. I took today off. So hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be back in the saddle and can stay ahead of the curve so I’m sure to earn my badge this year. :-). If you want to do some word sprints or something in the evenings, let me know. I’m cheering for you!

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