Just place your flesh in this vice…

Yup. Time for the annual boob smoosh or as most women call it, my yearly mammogram.

Copied without asking from: www.theangelforever.com
Copied without asking from: http://www.theangelforever.com

I would so like to meet the man (science hero my ass) who designed this contraption. Then, I’d like to place bits of his dangly flesh onto that cold bottom plate; manhandle them for a minute in order to get them to lie in unnatural positions, then yes, squish them into obedience with the top plate, all the while having him turn AWAY from the machine and his pieces, that are now abnormally flat and being held in a vice-like grip by the cold plates of radioactive machinery.

Yes, I’m exaggerating just a touch about the actual process but not by much. And I’m certainly serious as hell about wanting to take Mr. Leborgne’s balls in for a check-up using his invention.

I’m almost always guaranteed to have to go back for an ultra sound because apparently, I’m lumpy to begin with so there’s almost always some random, piece of tissue they want to see again.  Why they don’t just ultra sound me in the first place I’ll never know.  Ugh.  The ultra sound is as uncomfortable as the boob moosh. Not sure why, bit it’s almost the same type of twinge I get when the dentist hits a nerve during the gum exam (yet another weird invention – why do they use such sharp, pointy, METAL pieces to see how deep the pockets are between your gums and your teeth, then chide you for having bleeding gums?)

Whatever the ultra sound machine emits, its vibrations or whatever make my nerves, my skin, and my breast ache. It’s weird. But what can you do? Early detection saves lives. And since my mom had her bout with the breast cancer beast, I’m higher up on the risk scale than I’d like. Best to endure an hour or so of discomfort now, eh?

(and what’s up with the adult content warning when I go to search “breast cancer ribbon”?  Adult content? I’m looking for images of a freaking ribbon, how is that adult content?  Web…go home, you’re drunk.)

vector illustration of a breast cancer pink ribbon tree, copied from cancer753.blogspot.com
vector illustration of a breast cancer pink ribbon tree, copied from cancer753.blogspot.com

Be safe, be healthy, and if you or a loved one is fighting with this beast, sending you strength and healing, and prayers for a full and blessed recovery. My mom turns 80 today, and I am forever grateful to the wonderful team of researchers and doctors who kicked that cancer’s ass. Amen.

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