This Writer’s Worth

Taken from the deck of a cruise ship the year I turned 40.
Taken from the deck of a cruise ship the year I turned 40.

Catchy title for the blog post but it really has nothing to do with what I’m writing about today, lol.

I haven’t been promoting my published books, or working that hard on getting my next book finished and published for going on two years now. I’ve also struggled to put new words to page in anything longer than an outline or a few scenes for potential novels / stories.  I hadn’t thought anything of it really as my enthusiasm for things tends to peak then fade as I move on to the next shiny thing.  But I keep coming back to it because writing, or rather the act of putting words to virtual page as technology continues to advance, is as much a part of my existence as is breathing. I can go for a few days hither and yon without publishing a post, but I can’t go more than a day without drafting one – the words must get out of my head on a regular basis or for whatever reasons, I feel wildly out of sorts.

I haven’t given up my desire to be known as an author. I have however felt a little less than enthusiastic about keeping up the effort to promote my work – my previous efforts didn’t have nearly the level of return I’d hoped they would. I also began wanting to do more in the coaching arena – working with new writers so that they too may see their work in print (be it virtual or physical).  The work I did in that area (both promotions and actual coaching) didn’t net me the results I’d sought either.

Then I noticed I’d been talking with people more about life stuff – goal setting, self-awareness and self-love, those types of things. Themes that brought me back to the types of stories I’d been writing, publishing, promoting. I may have taken the long way around, but the path lead me ‘write’ back (ha ha) to putting words to page to continue producing books that, I hope, give people (women, mostly) tools they can use to develop their own sense of self-worth.

***warning – this train is about to abruptly go in a slightly different direction.***

What I 'should' be doing?
What I ‘should’ be doing?

The process of writing a novel.  I remember the first two being so easy to draft. They seemingly came together like magic in the 30 days of frantic writing that is NaNoWriMo.  And it’s true, the drafts came together in 30 days. Fifty thousand words.  The actual, final, book (both print and e-version) took up to another two years to come to fruition. The editing, re-writing, beta reading, then editing some more; saving up the money to get them printed, taking the time to format the e-version; getting the cover picture just right…for some reason I don’t remember the time all of that took in the same way I remember the time it took to write the first draft. Drafting time is magic and lingers fondly in my memory.  Production time is a blur; a vaguely remembered labor pain.

I think it’s taken me two years to bring Aphrodite’s Twin to publication because I’m somehow, suddenly remembering the labor pain instead of still being high on the euphoria that comes from conception (let’s face it, the sex part is so much better in most cases than the pregnancy and delivery part).  Remembering how long it takes to get the book just right and ready to be shown to the world, not to mention how little the world has reacted to it’s siblings’ birth, has me giving in to resistance across the board. I don’t feel the need to put myself through the labor if the book’s arrival won’t garner any interest, any sales. Is that ego, or a legitimate concern? Which then begets self-doubt on a level I’d not experienced before when it came to my writing. I don’t like that feeling either. Is it perhaps, contributing to my reluctance to get the next book to print, the book after it to completed first draft, and the book after THAT to its fifty-thousand word beginning?

I don’t know the answers yet.  So instead, I focus on this getting healthier challenge (by the way, at my last weigh in, I’d dropped two inches off my hips and a whole three-tenths of a percent of body fat! YAY!…the little victories will keep me moving) and leave Aphrodite’s Twin to its beta readers without so much as a, “what do you think of it so far” prompt or check in.

***warning – yet another twist in the track ahead***

Ahhh, the art of falling...
Ahhh, the art of falling…me, the professional, and the chute

I’d like to take a nap, but they don’t agree with me. Best wait until bed time to shut my weary eyes. Meanwhile, might be a good idea to go for another walk. These extra inches won’t go away by themselves.

9 thoughts on “This Writer’s Worth

  1. I’m kind of in the same boat writing-wise, actually. I’ve only done novel-writing during Nano in the last two years, with the weekly short stories recently! Oops!

      1. Quite possibly! I’ve been on an emergency workout and diet regime before the baby is here as well, so that’s kind of sapping my time and energy…

  2. Your personality is such that being encouraging and helpful–coaching, teaching, whatever it is–really comes through. That’s a quirky strength and not many have it. Lots of us can DO but very few of us have a feel for how to help others do BETTER than they ever thought possible. I know you help me.

      1. Yeah, I know. I had least got started by scraping all these WP entries off the web and putting them in Word. Now to just edit them, figure out some art work, and voila, right? RIGHT?! LOL.

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