To all the other June birthday babies who may be reading – HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you get your Google b-day wishes…not sure how I feel about the personalized deal myself, but it was nice to have the date I entered recognized by the cyber-bots.
Anyway, even though I put in a bogus date on my Google profile (can’t be too careful with what you share online), it is indeed the first day of my birthday month. I will be celebrating the ENTIRE month with different activities and such, all culminating in a rather small party with some friends at the end of the month. I say small because I apparently wasn’t blessed with the ‘good party’ gene and so typically end up with more invitations going out than attendees showing up for any soirée I attempt to hold. I’ve thrown countless parties since I was 18 years old. My two best in terms of fun and attendance were both birthdays – my 19th when I hosted a horror movie night. We watched scary movies from 8pm until 8 am the next morning when the last movie went off and the final four, brave souls, woke up and went home. The second was my 30th birthday when I went all out – rented a hotel ballroom, hired a DJ and sent invitations to everyone in my known universe. It was awesome! Spent more money on it than I did on my wedding four years previous. (Don’t worry, I had a relatively cheap wedding, LOL)
This Year’s Celebration
My 40’s have been fraught with transitions, lessons learned, and coming of age type personal growth. I’ve celebrated birthdays by getting tattoos, taking trips, or reaching outside my comfort zone with personal challenges and such. This year I pushed the envelope with my hair (or rather, my lack of hair). You see, I’ve long been a fan of the last incarnation of Storm (yes, of X-Men fame…the comic book, not the rather disappointing edition Halle Berry – gack – played in the movies. Still can’t believe they chose her!! But that’s an old rant for posts gone by), I remember from my younger days. Particularly the one where she’s come back from a devastating loss and has done something rather drastic to her hair.
I don’t know why, but ever since I saw it, it’s come to represent strength, resilience, and femininity. Three things I’ve struggled to remember that I have. The poster hangs in my bedroom to this day as a reminder.
Well, for most of my life, I wouldn’t have dared to wear the mohawk let alone in such a fantabulous color. Losing my hair worked all kinds of havoc on my self-esteem but ultimately, brought me to this bold new view that I have Divine, Universal permission to love myself more than anyone else. That means doing things to and for me that bring ME joy and satisfaction. Granted, there is some conforming I’ll do in order to live the type of life I want, but within those parameters, there’s plenty of room to play, so I started playing with the styles and colors of the wigs and weaves. Which ultimately, lead to this…
Yes! I finally got my stylist to expose my bald sides in a fancy mohawk style!! I am over the moon with how it turned out. Of course, I kept the color rather tame and I won’t be wearing the studded collar and leather jacket often – especially not in this heat ;-). But otherwise, that’s it! My inner bad-ass has finally come out to the world.
A few posts back I talked about starting my Body Love work. The hairstyle is one such act of love, in that for the past I don’t know how many years exactly, I’ve been attempting to hide my hair loss – not in a, “I don’t want people to know its happened” kind of way – in fact, I tell people all the time I’m wearing a wig or a weave because I’ve got the same hair-line as Master Li Mu Bai in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. But telling and showing were worlds apart. There’s just something comforting about having hair on my head, however fake it might be.
This style though is turning out to be a bit of a release from that discomfort. A second step if you will toward owning my hair loss and being able to break ties with the wigs and weaves forever (click here to find out what the first step was). Not that I’ll stop wearing them and walk around with my extreme mullet out in the open for all to see, LOL, but instead, taking the last step and shaving off what remains to become the first, openly bald woman in my family. There are a couple of us who have lost our hair, in fact, one of my cousins appeared in public not too long ago without a scarf sporting a pate of peach fuzz. She is beautiful to me and even more so because she had the courage to be out and about in all her short-haired glory. My admiration of her shows up as whispers in my mind, that I too can stop being afraid to show up as is – shaved head bared to the world. I’m thinking my 50th birthday is going to involve a rather memorable (last) trip to the hair salon.
You’re All Invited!
No, I’m not asking you to do anything drastic to your hair, but I am going to invite you to do something equally as daring – I’m inviting you, in celebration of my birthday, to do something strictly for yourself. Something that you’ve always wanted to do, something that you know, without a doubt, will make you happy down to your bones, that you haven’t done so far because you were worried about how it would look to others. Providing that the activity doesn’t lead to your arrest, unemployment, homelessness, or untimely demise, I want you to go for it. I’m sharing with you my Divine, Universal Permission Slip – go forth and love on yourself. Consider it your birthday present to me :-).