Halfway to Nowheresville

Revelations in love and life – Actions speak louder than words. I have not because I DO not. In other words, I have been giving a lot of lip service to my goals, core desired feelings, book marketing, etc.  I’m good at talking but as evidenced by my ever-expanding waist line, my consistently short bank account and my stress inducing (but reasonably stable) debt load, I talk a damn good game but I SUCK at actually DOING the things it takes to get these things dealt with.  I talked with my Divinity on this one because I needed Her guidance. As usual, She brought me a few good nuggets of wisdom. The base line was this, “The want of achieving the goal must be strong enough to prompt action; only actively working toward a goal shows the Universe that you are ready to receive / achieve.”  My want to have a finished, printed, self-published book drives me to write at all hours of the day or night, has me working in less than ergonomic conditions which have resulted in my wearing a wrist brace, popping pills for joint pain, and sitting with a heating pad on my right shoulder to ease the almost constant pain (my right arm is my mouse arm).  But, because my want to write that next book is so great, I do what my Muse tells me to do – I put words to page.   Then, I scrape together the money to get it printed. Usually, means I have to sacrifice a bill or two.  But that drive to see the work in print makes it a no brainer.  The Universe hasn’t brought me millions of sales, a publishing contract, or a movie deal, but It does manage to make it so every time I’ve talked to some one about my writing, I’ve sold a book.  It brought me yearly trips to present at a library in my home town with ensures that I get to visit with my loved ones on a regular basis, oh, and sell a few books.  But I’ve avoided my opportunities, sometimes FREE opportunities to set up a table or booth at a conference or other such public function where I can get the word out to a LOT of people at a sitting. I’ve paid for networking events that, at the last minute, I chose to stay home or because I couldn’t find parking, I did something else instead.

All this hibernation, making of excuses, and otherwise doing something else just shows the Universe and anyone who cares to observe that I’m not serious, at least about those particular “goals”. So, if I’m not serious, I most certainly will miss out on those open doors to opportunity.

Whatever it is that drives me to write and self-publish seems to be concentrated in that one area. I suppose it’s the same energy I used when I was in school but not yet

I don't know, I think I look kind of insane.
I don’t know, I think I look kind of insane.

writing – I used it to turn my grades around; got serious about graduating and changed a myriad of bad habits in order to get my work done, marking both my senior years in high school and college with 3.5s or higher.  I used that same energy to get through two years of grad school with a full load and a full-time job. Oh, I manged to write two books (over 50K words each) during those two years in grad school as well.  Where did that energy come from and why don’t I seem to be able to channel it into any other action? My Divinity hasn’t had an answer for that yet.

June is not only midway through the year, it is also my birthday month. Kismet eh? The celebration of another trip around the sun just happens to coincide with a mid-year review. Both signify the opportunity for renewal, reset, re-evaluations, and the chance to go in a new direction if  I so chose. Right about here is where I realize I’m in essence still just flapping my proverbial gums from the comfort of my couch.  I can write post upon post of what I “want” to do, but it’s still just lip service; lies told to the Universe that I so far, haven’t backed with an ounce of action.    Guess it’s really just time to @#$% or get off the pot.



6 thoughts on “Halfway to Nowheresville

  1. Wow! It’s amazing how similar we are at times. Almost eerie! I still say we must have been separated at birth and you got the better tan! I have been wondering where my energy was – that same energy that got me through my last two years of college with a 3.7; that perseverance and drive I had when I worked 12 hour shifts during Desert Storm, that “chutzpah” that drove me when I used to be athletic and ran 5 miles a day. . . . where has it gone? I’ve indulged in the pity party way too often with the aches and pains from a car wreck that caused serious injuries, and somehow that has pervaded my mental game as well. Ever expanding waistline? This Queen-sized gal is living larger than I ever intended. * Hangs head in shame* How is it I can motivate so many others into action, yet I can’t seem to get my own gluteus maximum engaged? If you find the answers – PLEASE share!

    1. Ellie, I read your post and it sparked me to dig deep and this post is what came out of that inner exploration. We are indeed on such similar paths in this arena. But where in deed are the answers. I’ve got one more motivational tactic I’m implementing. I’ll drop you a note on FB.

      Meanwhile, all I can say is at the very least, we keep poking at it, we haven’t given up completely. The answer’s out there, we’ll find it.

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