Is it really “hard” or is it that I just don’t want to do it?

(Mod One, day six)

Today’s contemplation – what do I really mean by “this is hard?”  As in difficult to accomplish.  Is it that the task I’m talking about is really difficult for me to do or is it more that I don’t want to do it?  Claiming that something is intrinsically problematic or strenuous highlights a perceived (often incorrectly perceived) weakness. By saying something is “hard”, I’m indicating that I don’t have the ability to do it with ease; I’m not strong, smart, rich, whatever – enough to get the job done.

I tend to deem anything that causes me to feel uncomfortable as “hard”.  I shrink from it, I retreat.  Where did I learn to do that? When did I learn it? I was one of those kids who didn’t think much about personal safety when it came to life. I suppose much of it had to do with not realizing I was mortal. Had no idea that there was such a thing as DEAD even though I’d seen my share of dead things – road kill, goldfish, and the like. But until I got it that one day I’d be DEAD, I went about my day getting into things. I would jump off of stuff, fall down only to get up and try it again. I would talk to strangers, take walks by myself anywhere my curiosity took me.  I would touch strange animals, pet strays – I adopted a hedgehog once. Gave me a nasty allergic reaction but I didn’t care.  Walked into a bee hive once too.  For some reason, all those bees hovering about the hive in a stand of trees wasn’t a deterrent to me finding out what hid behind that mound of dirt.

The reality of DEAD shouldn’t be a show stopper and neither should “hard”.  Not even if “hard” leads to DEAD.  Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy not being DEAD, but there’s no getting around it, I’m going to die.  Most living things don’t regenerate cells fast enough to be immortal. Organs get old, blood vessels break down, cells disintegrate and aren’t replaced. It’s going to happen so why have I let “hard” stop me from doing what I wanted to do?

Ah ha.  Because in reality, I didn’t want to do it. For whatever reason, I didn’t want to do the work it would take to accomplish the task.  Being aware that it’s a choice; I can choose to do the work or not.  That’s power. That’s admitting that even though I have a myriad of skills I can utilize to do what needs to be done, it is my CHOICE whether or not I want to do it.  There may be times when my skills are indeed lacking in a particular area which may add an extra level of challenge to the task at hand but guess what? If I choose to take on that task, I know I have the ability to ask for help when needed.  POWER. So no, it’s not about “hard”, it’s about “want.”  The trick now is to decide what it is I REALLY want; what it’s going to take to get it, and then getting it done.

It’s just day six and so much has come to me.  The name of the book is now, “Un-apologetically Me”.  It’s NOT another self-help book, but if anyone reading it is inspired to follow in my footsteps, the modules will be there as exercises. Outside of the book, don’t know if there’s a business op lurking. I have teaching / coaching tendencies, but I’m of the mind-set that unless the person is soul deep in their desire to change, to heal, to find their way to their next level self, then there’s nothing I can do or say or write for that matter, that will bring positive change to their lives.  This truly is an inside job. I opened my mind to changing my life and THEN the “right” gurus showed up (Danielle LaPorte, I’m looking at you 🙂 ) with the words and tools that resonated with my journey. Anyway, we’ll see.  

As usual, thanks for stopping by and spending some time with me here at the blog. It’s getting cozy between the sheets again, eh?  And, OMG – would someone please start chucking ideas for what to call this train of posts at me.  “The Satin Sheet Diva Experience” –  just, ugh! lol…