So many other clichés come to mind – practicing what you preach, take care of your own back yard before you tell someone else how to take care of theirs, etc. They all mean the same thing, take care of your own business first. I want to confess, I’ve been doing a lot of “do as I say, not as I do”- type living here recently. Yup – I sure have. I’ve been “preaching” the Desire Map process and self-love practices. I even wrote a post for the Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest 2014 but a recent moment of clarity showed me that I’ve let both practices (Desire Map living and self-love) fall by the wayside.
I set up this beautiful “plan” to achieve my core desired feelings (CDFs) through all of this wonderfully uplifting activity. Looking at it made me smile, sent my heart racing with excited anticipation. The calendar clicked over to Feb. 1st and I promptly went into hiding. It helped that we ended up iced in for three days – gave me the perfect excuse for my hibernation so I didn’t feel guilty for ignoring my 2014 “No Buts-No Bullshit (no excuses)” lifestyle.
I finished the first week of a 12 week weight training program on schedule, then it iced and I wasn’t able to get to the gym during week two. I had also over done it a bit and had some minor back pain. I used the excuse of having to rehab my back to get me out of week three. Then it iced again and I took another week (even though the second icing lasted one day) to get me out of week four.
February 28th dawned and there I was, deep in the “I give up”. I was disgusted with my current state of physical fitness, disgusted with not having marketed my writing anywhere near the level I’d promised back in January. I hadn’t finish either of the positivity or self-worth challenges and fell completely out of practice of using my Desire Map planner. Just that quick, I’d reverted to the comfortable discomfort of old habits that clearly do NOT support any sense of self-worth or desired feelings. I felt empty, as if I’d lost myself. I wrote it down: “As if I gave up the one ‘thing’ that made me who I was so now, I’m just this empty shell searching for some one to fill me up again with who they see me as. How does this happen? How do I keep living so undefined, so un-filled? Where did I go?” Then we come to this morning. It’s the first day of a new month. More importantly, it’s the first day I can use to start over again. Last month wasn’t a complete wash – I came within 10K of finishing my work in progress and got the rough, rough draft sent to Beta readers. I finally faced my financial situation and got some things in place so I can actively work my way out of debt. In my attempt to earn a scholarship to Marie Forleo’s B-School, my *business purpose in life came screaming into focus. I now have the bones of the program, beta testers, and a project launch target date.
So you see, there was progress made. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t do, I’m choosing to celebrate what I did accomplish then looking forward to what I’d like to accomplish this month. In other words, I’m picking up where I left off. You should too. If there are resolutions, plans, dreams, goals, that you’ve let slip from your day-to-day, then I urge you to pick them back up. Look them over, tweak – make changes, and get back to work. That self-love stuff I’ve been telling you about? Time to put another exercise into practice (trust that I’m practicing what I’m about to preach) and that’s FORGIVING yourself. Stop the negative chatter in its tracks – you are not a failure, a loser, nor are you fat, lazy, undisciplined, etc. I use the following (one of the many approaches I’ve come to resonate with from Danielle LaPorte) as a way to move on from a misstep and into stating my honest intentions for moving forward:
- Tell the truth. I stopped working out.
- State some beliefs related to the situation and your abilities. I over did it that first week probably, causing myself some back pain. More than likely I had too heavy a weight or wasn’t paying close enough attention to my form.
- State some facts related to the situation and your abilities. I get excited about weight training because I really enjoy it. The feeling of satisfaction when my work out is done, when my muscles are sore due to honest effort, makes me high and I tend to over do it. I’m strong though, I know enough about proper form to not do it again so this time when I start back up, I’ll know to stretch first, do a proper warm up and to keep my weights low for now.
- State what you’re doing that’s working in your life right now. I’m eating healthier at least. Making sure to get plenty of water. I also walk more at work than before so I am managing to get some exercise during the day.
- State your desired outcome; your intention related to the situation. I want to be strong; to not have pain in my joints from a sedentary lifestyle. I want my belly and thighs to be tone, not so flabby. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and to do that I need to move more. I enjoy weight lifting so completing the 12 week program is a good fit.
- State the true, reality-based, intention related to the situation. I’m going to follow the 12 week program as best I can; when life gets in the way, I’m going to mark my place in the program, deal with life, then get right back in where I left off; squashing any negative self-talk or guilt as I go.
What you end up with when you finish the exercise is something, I believe, that’s stronger than the usual affirmation because it’s based on the reality of your life as it is right now versus that forward positive projection inherent in affirmations. I’d love to read one of yours when you’re finished or to hear back on how you felt after doing the exercise.
Remember – you are worth the effort and time it takes to become the best you you can be. Hugs!
*If you’d like to become one of my business Beta Testers, please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org. I will close Beta Tester registration on the 21st of March. Thanks!