As is the norm, let’s start first with being single. I am told to be patient with myself as I continue to haunt his memory while desiring to get over it already and get on with being happy and in love with myself. In this case, I am 99% sure he is so not thinking of me. Fine. Whatever. It is times such as this when I wish I had been blessed with more of my father’s personality – or at least what I know of it. No moping around for him, if one “relationship” stopped working for him, he was quick to discard and move on to the next. I suppose though that if I were actually being pursued for something more meaningful than sexual hit and runs, I might have a different perspective. Wait, I don’t think that made any sense. Hmmmm. Anyway, what I really wanted to write out was the list of things I miss from being with the aforementioned Him. (ahem) Here goes.
- being able to discuss movies and books on deeper levels than usual. he had an affinity for looking deeper into some things and the verbal skills to convey his analysis
- that ‘look’. the one he’d sometimes get between really passionate kisses.
- those moments when he seemed to need and then be comforted by my touch.
- shared belly laughs; we’d be talking about something and he’d have me laughing so hard
- walking with our arms around each other
- falling asleep on his shoulder – which was rare in deed because both of us were side sleepers and tended to fall asleep back to back
- those few moments where I felt he wanted to be with me – you know, there’d be something going on and he’d ask me to join in, and I’d feel as if he specifically wanted to share the moment with ME
- the occasional intimate connection.
Those last two are what got me in trouble. I was fine; was keeping my guard up, then those little moments happened and as it is with me, I fell for the potential. And that’s what I really miss. The potential to have something meaningful; to be vulnerable with someone finally and feel secure that in their honesty, they wouldn’t do anything to purposefully hurt me. I have found that the pain caused by an honest break up isn’t nearly as lasting as that from one that occurs because of a deception. But then again, deception (once discovered) cuts off the longing with the efficiency of razor sharp scissors. I may not be in “pain” right now, but good grief, this WANT for connection is driving me to distraction. It’s been years now, can I please just be happy being single?
Now that I have that out of my system. Onward to more o’dark-thirty, migraine med induced, word vomit.
I’ve gotten a late start on NaNo. I’ll not write why, but here it is November second and I will just be putting the introduction of the novel down some time today. Don’t worry, the muse has been whispering this intro for about two weeks now so I’m sure to get it all down in its 1667+ word glory :-). I’ll make up my loss of day one surely this weekend as I don’t have ANYTHING planned but housework and a delayed Halloween movie night with my goober. Oh, and speaking of NaNo. In honor of the new novel I’m giving birth to this month, I’m giving some great deals on my past NaNo winners, Hello Diva (’08) and Breaking Point (’12).
- Email me – dmyles3784 on Yahoo for purchase of the paperbacks – $5 each, plus tax and shipping.
- Click here for download to your eReader – FREE :-). Coupon code: GM39M for Hello Diva; code: RW42V for Breaking Point.
Sale lasts until Monday, so be sure to get your orders in this weekend.
Let’s see, that might just be all I have for now. Meds are wearing off and the Zmonster is gently tapping on my shoulder. The Migraine Fairy seems to have flown on to other heads so I may actually be able to get a nap before I run my one and only errand today. Thanks for sitting up with me for a while.